Our life roles as a holistic ecosystem
The trap of a single role
Most of us have become accustomed to identifying ourselves with something single: “I am a successful manager”, “I am a good mum”, “I am a professional psychologist”, “I am a caring wife”. This mono-identity seems to be a path to success, but in reality, it is a trap.
I took a course at the British The Open University about burnout in sport, and the knowledge from this course translates perfectly into all areas of our life. And British research in sports psychology (in particular Steve Magness) shows: if your identity rests on one support, then any failure in this sphere becomes a catastrophe for the entire personality. This is a direct path to burnout.
When we narrow ourselves down to one role, we become like a table standing on one leg. As long as everything is perfect in this sphere — we feel stability. But life is unpredictable.
- What happens to a successful manager when redundancies happen?
- What happens to an ideal mum when children grow up and go into their own life?
- What happens to a professional athlete in the case of an injury?
If your identity rests on one support, then any failure in this sphere becomes not just a work moment, but a catastrophe for the entire personality. Psychologists call this fragile identity. When the only support breaks, the whole foundation collapses. It is here that the hardest burnout is born — the one from which a holiday does not save, because you lose the understanding of who you are beyond the limits of your main function.
British research in sports psychology confirms that the most resilient athletes are those who have a life outside of sport. Those whose identity is multidimensional.
And therefore multidimensionality is our insurance
We must learn to be multidimensional not in order to manage more, but in order to survive in storms. When one of your roles is experiencing a drought, other roles must become those sources that help you not to dry out completely.
I am learning to consider our roles not as separate duties, but as an ecosystem. I also still have a habit of considering myself something single and putting almost all energy into this one thing. And I am learning to treat all my roles equally and to invest equally. When we are not just an employee, but also a student, practitioner, wife, friend, our self-esteem becomes resilient to storms.
For example, if today at work you are exhausted, the role of a student or practitioner gives us a feeling of growth and meaning. Work does not eat you completely. It is not the centre, and no role is the centre. All roles are a holistic ecosystem, all roles are a part of one whole.
In an ecosystem, resources flow.
- My practice of Buddhism gives me calm and balance to endure 19,000 steps at work and solve daily tasks.
- My studies at university give me knowledge on how to support the body with nutrition and smart training, so it does not collapse.
- My roles of a wife and mother are the soil in which I recover emotionally, and can relax and rest. And generally switch attention from myself to others.
You might have everything quite differently, look at your roles and determine what each of these roles gives you.
Burnout happens when one role becomes an aggressive weed and takes all the space.
- Learn to switch the toggle. When I take off my work uniform, I leave the cleaner’s fatigue behind the door and enter the home as a woman who studies the science of sport.
Being healthy at 40+ is not about the number of sets in the gym. It is about how to build your internal ecosystem so that every role strengthens another.
Listen to your body, respect your cycle and remember: you are much bigger than any of your work or result on the scales.
Is there a role you have now that is suffocating others? What can you do about this?